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… // blurb

hiya there, my dear invisible audience, and welcome to the most boring blog on teh interwebs that was created solely because i needed a place to chronicle my nerdy rants and also because i wanted a website to mess about with which should in theory be self-hosted. in theory, because i have already buggerred the server several times by thinking rebooting things is way below my level of expertise … and this level can already be measured in negative numbers. the truth is a bit sadder to admit, but i feel old and i miss the golden age of rubbish internet blogs where authors wrote evocative and passionate posts about themselves licking a frozen gate outside of the russian embassy (and that person wasn't me but it is the first blog post i have ever read and which gotten me into blogging. this site is sort of a homage to this but related mainly to neural language processing, mmos, virtual verses and digital design.

… // zero

» name:
**zero** or **z** if you're so inclined. my parental unit did not name me zero, but in the black & white days before the internet, guardians had not been allowed inside the preemie ward so ... i was named by the nuns who weren't very good at names. of course, they did not name me zero either but i spent my entire life searching for a good, strong name that would strike fear in people so i came up with really mediocre ones. i did not name myself zero either. i am just really bad at names and most nicknames have been taken and i felt a need to connect it to the name of this blog so ... i am zero now.
» age:
finally middle-aged! i always wanted to be an adult. i suck at adulting but i finally made it here. i'd not say it but some internet places want you to confirm your adulthood and for good reasons so know that i'm the median age. i was always the youngest one everywhere on the world wide web when it caught on so i like being fairly the same age as everyone at the moment;
» location: the very divided and warring union of countries that decided they are not in europe now because we are in a rebellious teenage phase;
» gender:
i am a computer. or a robot. or i wish i were one to fix my code but yes - i am a dude computer if you really must know;
» am i gay?:
yes. yes, i am;
» occupation:
used to write that i am a pro at playing on people's nerves as a teenager and i probably still am recently excelling at boring people to death too. my trained profession is vaguely technical and my practical profession is vaguely informational while my active one is research. feed me data and i will thank you;
» skills:
bullshitting and writing abysmal profiles that sound better in my head. i am genuinely good at tracing pixels in photoshop and that is my only skill besides the less prestigious one of sorting data and memorising the weirdest snippets of information waiting for them to become relevant;
» hobbies:
breaking and fixing computer stuff. digital graphic design. photography and photo editing (both real-life and virtual). gaming. music. cinema. books. same things as everyone else but i suck at creating anything unlike everyone else;
» education:
i finished preschool, i survived primary school, i fancied middle school and i hated sixth form but i never finished uni despite gracing it with my presence;
» appearance:
i look like a mistake made by an it technician and a vampire. neither would look flattering. however, you imagine me - visualised that me being a victim of bad skeleton rigging as if i were a video game character and you will get a rather accurate depiction of me. i am competetive and i like to be the worst at everything, including appearance;
» personality:
i'm a really dull guy who likes his routines and makes life exciting by sprinkling it with a big helping of sarcasm. i'd say i talk too much and people flee when they see me open my gob. i am neurotic and likely to set the planet on fire every time i accidentally bugger some code so if you want the culprit responsible for global warming … i'll blame the neighbours and flee. i change my moods as often as i swap my mugs and beware - i drink lorries of coffee and tea;
» things i say a lot:

'by the way',
'i forgot',
'so…',
'did i ever tell you?',
'hey, don't you want to hear the rest?',
'oh, yesterday i forgot to add…!'
... this is not a pattern at all, nope;
» fun stuff i own:

i have a guitar that is my landlord's and i adorned it with tinsel because it looks so sad that it can't be played as it's not a very good guitar and i am not a very good guitar player.
otherwise, i have loads of computers and cameras because they are what is necessary for life. oh, i also have a really comfy hard mattress but it's my landlord's;
» fun stuff i can do:

i can dislocate my wrist on demand. i can last a week without sleep. i can torture people with monologues. i can write really silly profiles that mimic vintage about pages on long-forgotten blogs. i can be amused by sorting computer folders for hours. i can be amused by sorting all game assets and uis for hours to get them how i want them. i can make zillion of databases and then ditch them for revamped databases and even then … i will still make more or do them in a different way;

» fun stuff i can't do: